I have an idea: Sweater Christmas!

Let's buy Christmas (and Hanukkah) presents. Why not agree amongst your loved ones that everyone will buy a particular type of present? For example: Everyone buys everyone a sweater...



... or a scarf. Have Sweater Christmas. Or Scarf Christmas. Or Sweater/Scarf/Gloves Christmas. It would be so much simpler and nicely reciprocal. And if people are traveling by plane, it will be easy to slip these things into the suitcases and nothing's going to get broken.

Or do you think you need to be more creative? If so, I have a suggestion! It's The Hoof Candle, from D.L. & Co.:

$150.00!

Aunus, the roman version of pan, is the companion of the nymphs and god of shepherds and flocks. His lower half being that of a goat represents our barbaric nature or beastial side of our humanity: indulgence and celebration. The Egyptians, Greeks and Romans often designed their furniture with the legs of beasts, this grounded the pieces to the earth and paid homage to the animal nature in all humans. D.L. & Co.'s Effigy Wax Sculptures are exquisite, exceptional works of art, each a timeless treasure to appreciate and admire. Due to the non-linear shape of the sculpture, the wick does not run from the top to the base.

Aunus, my ass. Sweater Christmas, okay? That will serve my "beastial" nature quite well enough.

IN THE COMMENTS: The comments are off to a great start, with Pogo:

I'm gonna have an Ambien n' golf club Xmas.

Hold the Escalade.

And Wardwood, "Sweater and animal":

Obama: "Well I think it was a nice gesture [for Hugo Chavez] to give me a book. I'm a reader."

What was the book? "Open Veins of Latin America: Five Centuries of the Pillage of a Continent."

IN THE COMMENTS: Palladian said:

I wonder if Hugo gave Obama a copy of his other favorite book?

Imagine the reaction if Bush had given some world leader a set of DVDs that would only play on American DVD players.

"It would have been conclusive proof of Bush's provincialism, lack of sensitivity to our allies' sensibilities, ignorance of the wider world, techno incompetence, failure to appreciate the superiority of European civilization, blah blah blah."

It would have been portrayed as stupid.

***

And speaking of stupid... on Leno, Obama made a joke at the expense of the mentally challenged.

“[Your bowling score was] very good, Mr. President,” Leno said sarcastically.

It’s “like the Special Olympics or something,” the president said.

When asked about the remark, the White House said the president did not intend to offend.

“The president made an off-hand remark making fun of his own bowling that was in no way intended to disparage the Special Olympics,” White House deputy press secretary Bill Burton said.

What a fabulously lame excuse! On that theory, when you do or say something stupid, "I'm retarded" is an acceptable witticism. That theory is so... retarded.

ADDED:

ADDED: Angolans give the Pope a turtle.

I happen to think this a great Christmas gift... and a great fundraising idea.

The Plank reports:

I'm sure many--if not most--Plank readers have spent the four days since Thanksgiving saying to themselves, "My friend/relative/significant other is a huge Mitt Romney supporter, but I just can't think of what to get him/her this holiday season." Well, worry no more! In an email entitled "The UltiMITT Holiday" (yes, apparently they've hired Kathryn Jean Lopez to write their fundraising email subject lines), the Romney campaign presents their holiday gift packages. It will cost you $250, but without a doubt the best gift is the "Gold Ribbon Package," which includes a "downloadable phone message of Mitt answering your voicemail using your name."

I'm not saying it's what I want, but there've got to be people who would get a bang out of having the Mitt enunciate their name — over and over for all their friends. And from Romney's perspective, it raises money using very little of the candidate's time. Couldn't he record 100 of these in 5 minutes? That's $25,000. And it also creates a warm feeling of connection to the donor and operates as high-quality, word-of-mouth advertising to everyone who calls him.

"I'm coming to your planet, but with gifts."

Don't you love Elisa? Spit and all.

$75 lipstick.

It makes a great gift, presuming the recipient realizes this kind of lipstick costs $75. Otherwise, it's going to be WTF, lipstick. You got me lipstick! You know, I've got half a mind to order the stuff just because it's $75. There's a reason for aggressive pricing. How "exquisitely textured" can a tube of grease be? But now, if you got it, every time you put it on, your mind would be going mmmm, $75, exquisitely textured.

"Pesto bong?"

Incomprehensible wedding gifts. My prediction, based on personal experience: The day will come when you'll want to sell your oversized residence and go live in a practical smaller space. All that stuff you've got tucked away in your vast storage/display space will go right into trash bags. You'll take one second to decide whether to save or toss each item, and anything you can't understand will be instant garbage, and you'll wonder why you failed to take out the trash for a quarter of a century.