Spider sex moves...

... are very intense. The spideress makes a strong implicit argument for relentless passivity.

"Great Expectations, the Miss Havisham Cake" — banned from the Melbourne Cake Show.

In bad taste?



But it's literary!

A reading, from Charles Dickens:

The most prominent object was a long table with a tablecloth spread on it, as if a feast had been in preparation when the house and the clocks all stopped together. An epergne or centre-piece of some kind was in the middle of this cloth; it was so heavily overhung with cobwebs that its form was quite undistinguishable; and, as I looked along the yellow expanse out of which I remember its seeming to grow, like a black fungus, I saw speckle-legged spiders with blotchy bodies running home to it, and running out from it, as if some circumstances of the greatest public importance had just transpired in the spider community.

I heard the mice too, rattling behind the panels, as if the same occurrence were important to their interests. But the black beetles took no notice of the agitation, and groped about the hearth in a ponderous elderly way, as if they were short-sighted and hard of hearing, and not on terms with one another.

These crawling things had fascinated my attention, and I was watching them from a distance, when Miss Havisham laid a hand upon my shoulder. In her other hand she had a crutch-headed stick on which she leaned, and she looked like the Witch of the place.

"This," said she, pointing to the long table with her stick, "is where I will be laid when I am dead. They shall come and look at me here."

With some vague misgiving that she might get upon the table then and there and die at once, the complete realization of the ghastly waxwork at the Fair, I shrank under her touch.

"What do you think that is?" she asked me, again pointing with her stick; "that, where those cobwebs are?"

"I can't guess what it is, ma'am."

"It's a great cake. A bride-cake. Mine!"

"Then why don't you get William F. Buckley to kill the spider?"

I love this scene in "Annie Hall":



I was watching it this morning because I'd made an allusion to it in the comments over in the "Althouse in Washington" post — which, not too surprisingly, no one seemed to get. It wasn't the stuff about William F. Buckley. That's just the thing that makes me laugh the most — and also I thought I might be able to encourage my Woody Allen-o-phobic right-wing readers to go ahead and watch the clip.        

What?  Did you go to a rock concert?... Was it heavy?  Did it achieve total heavy-ocity?... Why don't you get the guy who took you to the rock concert, we'll call him and he can come over and kill the spider....

What is this?  What are you, since when do you read the "National Review"?  What are you turning in to?... Why don't you get William F. Buckley to kill the spider?...

Are you going with a right-wing rock-and roll star?  Is that possible?

IN THE COMMENTS: EDH not only identifies the allusion, he remembers this clip of me in "Annie Hall" mode:



My "where is the camera?" response is also like the lobster scene.

"The aptly-named Harpactea sadistica."

Violent spider sex.

Beware of the pedipalps.

Spider silk, infiltrated with atoms of metal.

Strong!

"The gossamer strands, slowly overtaking a lakefront peninsula, emit a fetid odor, perhaps from the dead insects entwined in the silk."

"The web whines with the sound of countless mosquitoes and flies trapped in its folds."

Millions of social spiders weave an ever-expanding web. Are you horrified, or do you think it's pretty cool?

I'm back in Madison and Silvio has a gleam in his eye.

This morning, I checked out of the glitzy Pfister Hotel....



... and rolled the dust of Milwaukee off Silvio's wheels. Amazing how many more flowers and leaves there are here in Madison than when I pulled out the driveway Sunday afternoon.

Oh, but what's this?



Right on my doorstep! What does it mean? Just think how freaky this would be if there were a big spider on it -- after this post, yesterday. Could I resist paranoia?

There was no spider... and yet...



Ants. Is the eye an ant delicacy?

Milwaukee frenchtoastscape.

So here I am at the Pfister Hotel, waiting for it to be time for the 7th Circuit Judicial Conference to begin, thinking about all the judges who will maybe feel moved to check out this blog when I do the blogging-and-the-law-panel. I'm picturing them recoiling in disgust -- not at the horrible spider and the less horrible jellyfish, but at the sheer lack of law content at the top of the blog today. Who let her in? Some of them. Not all of them. My favorite judges are the ones who either enjoy an eccentric blog that gets around to law now and then or who don't ask "who let her in?" but "how did I get here?"

Please blot that image from my head with something very mellow.

Don't think about the chicken-eating spider. Think about the kindly jellyfish.

The chicken-eating spider.

Oh, no!!

Misdrawn.

I love misdrawn, misplaced iconic characters, like this one, found on the side of a Madison food cart:



I'm not saying I love every picture that is not drawn right or that every cartoon character who pops up in the wrong place amuses me, but I do like this one. Why is Spiderman so cute? Why is hanging around fruit? To catch flies? Why does the food cart want to remind us that it might attract flies? Or am I supposed to know that Spiderman is not really like a spider when it comes to having an interest in catching insects? Sorry, I really have no idea what Spiderman's agenda is.

Audible Althouse #51.

A fresh, new podcast. Stream it here. Subscribe:

I talk about comics, especially Popeye:



There's some stuff about the "Masters of American Comics" show at the Milwaukee Art Museum and Art Spiegelman writing about cartoons in Harper's Magazine. Then there's that list of conservative rock songs and Pete Townsend's reaction to "Won't Get Fooled Again" being on it. I talk a bit about Bob Dylan. (The Paul Simon song I can't quite remember is "Night Game.")

There's some exciting violence involving a spider that occurs early on in this podcast. And the whole thing ends with a discussion of cool. And Kookie.

Verdict reached in the Michael Jackson case.

The commentators on the news channels are going wild, anticipating the announcement at 4:30 ET.

On Fox News, they're speculating about how Jackson will react if he hears a guilty verdict. He's 5'11" and he started the trial weighing 120. He must be down to 105 by now. He's very frail. A spider bite put him on crutches. An ambulance standing by at the courthouse. They expect him to be taken out of the courtroom on a stretcher.

On CNN, they're showing the crowd of Jackson supporters outside of the courthouse. We see a sign reading "Stone Cold Innocent."

MORE: Drudge is running two revolving sirens. I can't remember seeing that before.

MSNBC is summing up the evidence, with commentary on how strong the prosecutor's case was. The news anchor breaks in to report that a "large plane" has crashed into a residential neighborhood in Fort Lauderdale. And back to speculation about the Jackson verdict. Fox and CNN are staying with the Jackson verdict.

UPDATE: I'm glad Michael Jackson was found not guilty. As everyone on TV is saying, there was reasonable doubt. I loved watching the press conference with the jurors. It's quite inspiring, how solid and smart and diligent ordinary people are. Quite beautiful, really.